My most short lived job ever
Living at Okere Falls, i managed to score a little wench work onboard a very swanky 53ft cruise catamaran on Lake Rotoiti. My first day consisted of preparing and serving food, manning the bar, throwing the odd rope, washing the decks, heaving ho and all that.
So it came as a surprise on day two to be asked to hold onto the steering wheel for a moment. Never one to turn down a good adventure I eagerly accepted, presuming that I was just holding fort whilst Lu (top karaoke chum and skipper) tied her shoelace.
However, as the instructions went on, it transpired that I was to hold on until as far as I could see on the horizon, through a gap with overhead wires and other obstacles. I was assured we wouldn't get that far as Lu slowed our speed right down for my first go. Keep right, except over there by that tree. Dont go near that tree. That's the edge of the lake. Keep right of those bouys. Go left if a speedboat approaches. But stay where we are if they look like they'll move. Just go straight.
As nautical as I am, I have never actually steered a boat with a steering wheel before, let alone a 53ft million pound catamaran. As soon as Lu left me I realised I didn't know which way to turn the wheel. I started to think about rudders and whizzed the wheel around to the left, feeling like the boss. The boat veered left, I tried whizzing the wheel back to the right. Not much happened- it reminded me of driving mum's Lada, so I went left again, enjoying the breeze in my hair. Then right a bit. Then I got lost.
At this point, my debut skippering experience came to an abrupt end. As the boat veered dramatically to the left, Lu ran back to take control a mere 2 minutes into my captaincy. We suspected that I had managed to run over the line of buoys; the ones I was supposed to steer well clear of. We reversed and made a proper job of it, fully running over the bouy. Lu offered to jump in and untangle our prop (presumably this is the point at which a better wench would have stripped down and sacrificed herself) but I was saved by Tuck, our aptly named hero who dived overboard and wrestled with the bouy of similar build and size to himself until we were free.
The cruise continued along a similar crash course as later on one of our engines failed so we couldn't dock at the pier. Instead we beached ourselves and I entertained whilst Lu disappeared below deck with a hammer and mallet. When the hammer and mallet failed, we had to wave a passing speedboat down to give us a tow so our bow was facing in the right direction.
All the while I cheerfully chipped along under the impression that this was an average day in the life of a sailor ship mate. Only later when I recount the tale and watch peoples jaws drop, do I realise this wasn't a typical outing. I never was asked back. And I'm only posting this now that I have safely left the country.
But like JB said to me, "always funnier to do something like that than get another day's work". Nice way of looking at it.
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